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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23216218">double the trouble</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sotakeabitofcalpol/pseuds/jonsrightrib'>jonsrightrib (sotakeabitofcalpol)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The Mechanisms (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Canon What Canon, Canon-Typical Jon Getting Kidnapped, Gen, Jon and Jonny are twins, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, This Is STUPID, crackfic, i swear constantly so sorry for that, the mechs are just a band</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:35:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,422</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23216218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sotakeabitofcalpol/pseuds/jonsrightrib</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonny D'Ville and Jon Sims sound similar for a reason.</p><p>They're twins.</p><p>That's it. That's the fic.</p><p>CURRENTLY NOT UPDATING</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>450</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. two bastards in a chat what will happen (nothing)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to the chaos. I'm in isolation, missing all my leavers events because I can't see anyone despite not being ill. So, I'm writing the first fic ever without angst, to attempt to get some serotonin.</p><p>Of course, it begins with exposition in a text convo</p><p>(Jonny's on the left, Jon's on the right)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>jon</p>
<p>jon</p>
<p>jonathon sims</p>
<p>brother dearest</p>
<p>witness to my chaos</p>
<p>do not spurn me</p>
<p>What?</p>
<p>y didn't u show last nite</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>y</p>
<p>Because I have no interest in your music.</p>
<p>stfu u love it</p>
<p>I have suffered enough.</p>
<p>never</p>
<p>see jonny d'ville in action</p>
<p>Don’t you mean Gregory Sims?</p>
<p>fuck off</p>
<p>Greg. Your name is Greg. You stole my name.</p>
<p>y do u text with grammar</p>
<p>Why don’t you?</p>
<p>ugh</p>
<p>u talk like shakespeare</p>
<p>thou shalt speak normal</p>
<p>I shall speak however the fuck I want.</p>
<p>Dude fam squad.</p>
<p>Besides, you speak in weird prose for a living.</p>
<p>i give up just show nxt sunday</p>
<p>I have work next Sunday</p>
<p>its at like 2am the fuck</p>
<p>I’m busy.</p>
<p>ur a librarian jon wtf</p>
<p>I’m head of the archives. I’m busy.</p>
<p>de fuck</p>
<p>I’m head of the archives. I have been for ages, are you still this oblivious?</p>
<p>no u just tell me fuckall</p>
<p>just ditch</p>
<p>support ur fav twin brother</p>
<p>You’re my only twin.</p>
<p>In fact, you’re my only brother. The answer’s still no.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes I decided Jonny's real name is Greg and no one can stop me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. jon sims, master of denial</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nobody's dead. They're happy, chaotic beings.</p><p>Oh, and Jonny's about to fuck poor Jon's shit right up</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, Jon…”<br/>
“Yes, Martin?”<br/>
“What’s that on your desk?”</p><p>Jon risks a quick look over. He doesn’t know why. He knows what it is.</p><p><br/>
“Nothing.”<br/>
“Just cause…just cause it looks like a Mechanisms concert flyer.”</p><p><br/>
Jon doesn’t really have a response for that. He stutters for a bit. Martin rushes to fill in the gap.</p><p><br/>
“I’m not…I…I like them too! I’m a fan! Saw them in Port Mahon and everything!”</p><p><br/>
It’s all Jon can do not to swear.</p><p><br/>
“I’m not…”<br/>
“Haven’t seen you at a concert before?”<br/>
“I don’t…I don’t go to them. It’s a joke.”<br/>
“Oh.”</p>
<hr/><p>There is, of course, a reason he hasn’t been recently. It’s not that he doesn’t (secretly) enjoy the music. It’s more that he does NOT want to have to explain where he’s been for the last two? Years, or the scars he’s accumulated over that time. He does not want a goddamn song written about him.</p><p><br/>
Because he’s really pissed something off recently, Tim sees the flyer in the bin, and of course, within the next hour everyone’s asking him about it. He’d honestly rather die than talk about it any more than he already has. He is NOT talking about this, nor is he going to the show.</p>
<hr/><p>Tim won’t stop singing goddamn Our Boy Jack. It was fine the first time. It’s honestly one of his favourites, if only because it’s a pretty good song to pace your frantic running away from whatever entity is on you tail now. The third time it starts to be stuck in his head.</p><p><br/>
By the nineteenth time, Melanie has threatened to kill him at least six times, Basira has put both headphones in, Daisy has left, Sasha has hacked the speakers to join in and Martin is pretending not to enjoy it.</p><p><br/>
“We will fight, we will fight…”<br/>
“I will stab you.”<br/>
“I regret hacking the speakers.”<br/>
“Can’t you just turn them off?”<br/>
“It won’t turn Tim off.”</p><p><br/>
Tim stops. That’s worrying. So is the look on his face.<br/>
“Yo, boss. You ready to tell us why you’ve got a flyer?”</p><p><br/>
Everyone has turned to face him. They’re all begging him to make it stop.</p><p><br/>
“An old joke.”</p><p><br/>
This does not satisfy Tim. He continues singing.<br/>
Jon begins to wish he could shoot Tim. Everyone else looks like he might be the new target.<br/>
He is not expanding.</p><p><br/>
As Tim starts up for another round, he wishes they would shoot him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>God I have not worked out how to write yet. Imma jump straight to the appearance of our good captain/first mate</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. appearing act</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alternatively titled ‘Jonny D’Ville and all the fucks he doesn’t give with regards rules’</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m on my second knockoff red bull. My heart is at three times it’s usual pace. I am not thinking any faster. Have another trainwreck</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Jooooooon?”</p><p>“Yes Tim.”</p><p>“Why’d you get sent a flyer…”</p><p>“For the last time, it’s a joke.”</p><p>“Come on, what is the joke?”</p><p>“Tim, if I haven’t been telling you for the last week, I’m not going to tell you now.”</p><p>“Do you really want to go to the grave without confessing?”</p><p>“I’m thirty, Tim, no matter how grey my hair is.”</p><p>“Yeah, and you spend your time being hunted by avatars.”</p><p>He doesn’t bother to respond to that startling insight as his phone chooses that moment to ring. Norse incantation spews from it. Everyone looks up.</p><p> </p><p>He really doesn’t want to answer.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, Tim makes the choice for him, accepting the call and putting it on speaker with a look that screams <em>I knew it</em>.</p><p>“Hello, Magnus Institute, this is Tim from the Archives speaking. Who might you be?”</p><p>“Killer and vagabonds…”</p><p>Martin’s eyes light up in instant recognition. Jon is going to actually kill his brother.</p><p>“Liars and thieves!”</p><p>The door is flung open, and there stands said brother, dressed in the horrifying blend of cyberpunk and chaotic button-up pansexual that constitutes his off-duty clothing.</p><p>“It’s Jonny D’Ville, your favourite captain!”</p><p>“First mate.” Say Jon and Martin simultaneously. Tim is looking fucking delighted. Everyone else looks more confused than they usually do.</p><p> </p><p>Jonny isn’t put off by any of this. In fact, he’s taking it far too in his stride.</p><p>“I know you, you’ve been at a few of our shows.”</p><p>Martin looks like he’s going to die on the spot. Daisy is on edge instantly.</p><p>“Sorry, but…who are you? And why are you here?”</p><p>“Come to see my darling brother, don’t you know.”</p><p>Everyone looks at Jon.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Jonny</em>, you can’t just show up here.”</p><p>“Whoops! Guess I’m here now. Can’t avoid me this time!”</p><p>“I have not been avoiding you, I’ve just been…busy.”</p><p> </p><p>Jonny looks like he’s about to argue. Jon grabs his frankly obnoxious collar and drags him into his office.</p><p>“Ouch, you arsehole, I’m going, I’m going. Let go of my shirt, I like this one.”</p><p> </p><p>He does not let go of his collar.</p><p> </p><p>“Busy for two years?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>”Bullshit.”</p><p>“You really can’t just show up here.”</p><p>“Well I tried showing up at your flat but it was empty. And you haven’t been at any of our gigs.”</p><p>“I was hardly a regular. How did you get a flyer on my desk?”</p><p>“Walked in.”</p><p>“You…you walked in? To the Archives? You…you walked into the archives, to deliver a flyer and walked out again?”</p><p>“Is that unusual?”</p><p>“Y…yeah? Really.”</p><p>“Weird place to work?”</p><p>“Why d’you ask?”</p><p>“Stories, y’know.”</p><p> </p><p>Jon does not know, nor does he want to know.</p><p> </p><p>“Just…I’ll come to your show, whatever, just don’t waltz into my work, and for the love of god don’t use that introduction.”</p><p>“So touchy! Anyway, I’m off. I’ll give the Mechs your love.”</p><p>“Fuck off.”</p><p> </p><p>He does, a swirl of arrogance and dipshit. Jon can feel a headache forming.</p><p> </p><p>“Jon Sims can swear?”</p><p>“Yes, I can swear Tim. Please, will you all…”</p><p>“I have so many questions.”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“More than usual, somehow.”</p><p> </p><p>Jon sighs.</p><p>“That was my brother. He’s…”</p><p>“Jonny D’Ville. Your brother is Jonny D’Ville.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“The Jonny D’Ville, lead singer of the mechanisms?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“The band you’ve never been to a concert of?”</p><p>“Yes…well…no. I have been to a concert. Just not recently.”</p><p>“Recently as in…two years?”</p><p>“You could…<em>hear that</em>?”</p><p>“Thin walls, boss. Thin walls.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“So you’re going to the concert?”</p><p>“Probably.”</p><p>“Fancy bringing us along?”</p><p>“Absolutely not.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I mean we all know what’s about to go down.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. jon sims stop getting kidnapped challenge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You’ll never fucking guess what Jon goes and does</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jon does have an unfortunate habit of getting kidnapped. If he'd thought of that before getting pulled into supply cupboard two-hundred-and-fucking-one, he would have given that as an excuse to escape the concert. Doesn't know how it would go down with his brother. Probably not too badly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What the hell, Sims?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Daisy, judging by fact it is a) her voice and b) the fact he hasn't been moisturised or asked to dismember a corpse yet. Thankfully, this doesn't seem to be a repeat of her previous kidnapping attempt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He still feels a bit bad about Mike Crew's untimely death but hey? At least he's sorta still alive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You're going to have to be more specific."</p>
<p>"You have a brother?"</p>
<p>"Unfortunately, yes."</p>
<p>"You don't. I read your file. No living relatives. At least not in the country."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jon starts to laugh. It's all a bit much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sims, I may be less inclined to slit your throat nowadays, but I will turn you over to Tim."</p>
<p>"Oh god not Tim. I would rather take Melanie."</p>
<p>"Tim, definitely."</p>
<p>"Fine, fine. He's my twin brother. Only living relative."</p>
<p>"Your file didn't mention him. Hiding any other family members?"</p>
<p>"Unless any of them made a deal to stop being so very dead."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Daisy does have the decency to look a little sympathetic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"But...Jonny?"</p>
<p>"He went off travelling a while back, after our...well, he had his lot."</p>
<p>"Why was he..."</p>
<p>"He doesn't like rules. Or his real name."</p>
<p>"If I ask, will you tell me?"</p>
<p>"Sorry, old pact."</p>
<p>"Well, I'm going to assume you weren't both named Jonathon."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's let go of him at this point. He rubs a bit at his neck, mostly in an attempt not to spill all of his and his brother's secrets. He's a very shitty liar.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"Ok, you can go."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's quite formal. He almost laughs. Probably shouldn't, because he will break down into hysterics. The effect of his brother and Tim bouncing off each other. Oh god, Tim cannot spend any extended time with any of his brother's friends.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's in this particularly troublesome train of thought that he gets dragged off his path during he walk towards the cupboard they keep a potentially worrying amount of painkillers in. He doesn't even have the fucks left to give to complain about being pulled into a new storage cupboard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Why are there so many convenient supply cupboards in this godforsaken place?"</p>
<p>"Plot convenience?"</p>
<p>"For who's plot?"</p>
<p>"Dunno. Elias watches this place, maybe it's like a soap opera?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jon does not want to try and wrap his head around that thought. Melanie just blasts on as if it hasn't even occurred to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So...you have a brother?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"He's...well."</p>
<p>"Don't even start on me."</p>
<p>"Don't you start on me! We didn't know you had family!"</p>
<p>"He's...he's it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Melanie, unlike Daisy, doesn't seem to care. That's fine by him. He's mostly over it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We didn't know to tell him you were in a coma, Jon!"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"You haven't seen him in two years!"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"He doesn't know what this place is!"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Listen I don't..."</p>
<p>"No. You don't."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They meet eyes. Melanie starts smirking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Your brother killed Martin."</p>
<p>"Oh god, that wasn't just me."</p>
<p>"Nope. And you know he's gonna drag you to their concert no matter who you get taken by this time."</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Does that..."</p>
<p>"Oh no, I just don't want Tim anywhere near that lot."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Melanie's eyes light up, and he realises he's truly, truly fucked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a chapter of Jon getting kidnapped and realising he’s pretty fucked. That’s all for now</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. the concert’s here (after a filler chapter)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I mean...they go to the concert. No one dies, so that’s a win.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Imma add the Mechs into the character tags as they start appearing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He goes to the concert, not like he has any choice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Martin was already going. Great. Not at all weird that his crush's favourite singer is his brother. Just how his life is currently going. The others seem to only be showing up to bask in his genuine discomfort at being known.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Georgie had described it as a physical inability to share things, caused by a lack of maternal affection. He prefers to think of it as him being a private person, because that touches on fewer of his rapidly accumulating traumas.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But in any case, he's here, he's not actively avoiding imminent death for the first time in a while, and he's acutely aware of the fact that the majority of the band have recognised him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He will admit to enjoying himself somewhat. The music is manic as ever, but he doesn't mind, and the crowd's enthusiasm is infectious. Martin is singing along, Melanie seems enthralled, Tim and Sasha are attempting to whisper, not working in the noise, Daisy is...watching, and Basira is staring in mute confusion at Ashes. He suddenly Knows exactly why that is, and...well, he's not adverse to blackmail. Especially not the fun kind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before he really registers it, the final notes of Drunk Space Pirate are ending and he discovers two things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One, his brother can still move very fast. Two, his paranoia has actually increased his reaction time, because he <strike>accidentally</strike> decks his brother as he places two hands over his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The crowd seem uncertain how to react to a scarred lookalike of Jonny D'Ville throwing a punch at the resident maniac, but as said maniac starts to laugh they all return to...whatever his brother's fans do after concerts. Anarchy? Gender fuckery? Both? He doesn't want to know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Wow, you actually learnt how to throw a punch, I'm impressed! That hurt!"</p>
<p>A few of the Mechs have drifted closer, as have the Archive crew. Basira and Ashes are having an expressionless staring match.</p>
<p>"Don't sneak up on me!"</p>
<p>"Ok, fine. You like the show?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Shame about Rose. I was rooting for her."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hates his patron, but it does have the decency to remind him what he's been watching for the last half hour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Anyway, you going to introduce these fine people you have brought along?”</p>
<p>His brother knows he didn’t bring them along. His brother is an arse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You spoke to Tim on the phone. We’ve got Sasha, Melanie, Martin, Daisy and Basira.”</p>
<p>“Wait, that Basira?”</p>
<p>“Apparently.”</p>
<p>“Martin, we’ve met, I believe, very briefly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Martin looks somewhere between lost, star struck and overjoyed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh...yeah. Yeah, I’ve...I’ve been a fan for a while.”</p>
<p>“Well, good to properly meet you. Now, d’you know any good places round here for a drink?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next up, I try to work out how to dialogue and you excuse me for having no real plot line and far too little sleep</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. what shall we do with a</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You know that weird bit before you’re drunk where it’s awkward and everything makes sense? </p>
<p>That’s this chapter.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As it turns out, the violin; new, apparently called Marius; knows a place. Said place is in what he Knows was intended to be a nice 'town square', but was unfortunately situated in the middle of a seedy, graffitied area of impersonal high rises and shops that were obviously fronts for various, probably illegal activities.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nobody brings this up with the man at the bar. The man at the bar kindly doesn't bring up the sheer size of the group, the various instruments or the fact that only Basira looks vaguely normal enough to blend in. A few weird looks, a few stray thoughts floating around the shadows- the woman three seats down has a statement, Spiral judging by her vibe. The barman's daughter has just dropped out of uni, not at all relevant, the drunkard in the corner has...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"A whiskey for you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Please tell me you paid for that."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Chill, we've just gotten paid for the gig."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jonny."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jon."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The slight tension is broken by the appearance of the Toy Soldier, bottle of Smirnoff in hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jon! Haven't seen you in ages! How's it going?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Good, TS. You?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He's blatantly lying, everything in his life is rapidly going to shit and he lost the paddle before dropping into a coma, meaning he's now resorting to tearing the raft he's on apart to form a paddle  so he doesn't die, and wow that train of thought plummeted very quickly into existential crisis territory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"TS?" Daisy's at his shoulder, her own whiskey in hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Toy Soldier. Toy Soldier, Daisy."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Is that your..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Not my real name, no."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So I just...call you Toy Soldier?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jon interjects before this can get too complicated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Real names are forbidden by the blood pact of 2010."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That probably didn't help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yup! I use it/its pronouns. I'm assuming you're cool with that, if you're Jon's friend."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Uh, yeah. I use she/her. Blood pact?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Induction into the Mechanisms involves a blood pact under the terms of which we cannot reveal another member's name. Jon is included because..." It trails off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Toy Soldier?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sorry, I have to talk to Brian."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With that, it leaves. Daisy turns to fix him with her full attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Blood pact?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I knew a few too many names, so they forced me into it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Luckily, before Daisy's gaze can actually hit fatal intensity, Jonny's back with Marius and the pianist, who has not removed her wings despite them having left the concert some time ago now, and is introduced as Raphaella.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's good to finally meet you. We've heard a lot about you from the others."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He has seventeen simultaneous heart attacks at this. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Right..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Of course, we've been meaning to speak to you for a while, but we never got the chance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I thought you all knew each other?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"The band picked us up whilst travelling."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Cool. What happened to Natsya?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"She went off. Family  maybe? I probably should have asked more about the way my predecessor left."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Daisy looks at him. The Cain instinct, long suppressed but shaken a touch loose by his brother's reappearance, rises inside him. As does the realisation that he is a fucking moron.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wait, does he see Daisy as a sister? That's something to file away and think about next time he's drowning in uncomfortable thoughts at three am.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hm."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Anyway, I'm here now."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A loud bang sounds from behind him. Tim whoops, as does...Gunpowder Tim oh shit oh fuck this isn't going to end well.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whoops exposition as well so I don’t have to fuck with character names too bad</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. a drunk space pirate (and other drunkards)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jon will never escape tape recorders. Not even when blackout drunk</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In transcript format because my brain hates me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>"What are you doing?"</p>
<p>"I'm playing whack-a-mole."</p>
<p>"You're hitting my worm scars."</p>
<p>"They're from worms? Boring."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"So then my brother died and I was angry but I'm also supremely pansexual so..."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah. My best mate died and I went a bit mental."</p>
<p>"We are the same person."</p>
<p>"Hell yeah."</p>
<p>"..."</p>
<p>"..."</p>
<p>"I thought that was your character?"</p>
<p>"I mean all characters are just projection."</p>
<p>"Holy shit."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"So where'd you guys go?"</p>
<p>"Died."</p>
<p>"Huh."</p>
<p>"Sucked. Don't bother."</p>
<p>"Is it anything like a coma?"</p>
<p>"Dunno."</p>
<p>"Done that. But backwards."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"And then I said 'what a lot of trauma that I hope will never catch up with me'."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"And then I set a bunch of statements on fire."</p>
<p>"Ehhhhhhhh."</p>
<p>"I mean...I've always kinda wanted to burn something."</p>
<p>"I'm your person."</p>
<p>"They wouldn't let me use the C4."</p>
<p>"You had C4?"</p>
<hr/>
<p>*smashing sounds*</p>
<p>"Free vodka!"</p>
<hr/>
<p>"We're both called Tim!"</p>
<p>"We fucking forgot!"</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Ashes no!"</p>
<p>Sound of fire</p>
<p>"Martin get the...what's it called? Water."</p>
<p>"No, join the dark side Martin! You know you want to."</p>
<p>"Martin no!"</p>
<p>Manic laughter from Martin</p>
<p>"Be free, my fiery children. Fuck you, Basira!"</p>
<p>"Stop throwing beer on the fire!"</p>
<p>"Never!"</p>
<p>"Move back..."</p>
<p>*Sounds of screaming and fire*</p>
<hr/>
<p>"So you like...Uno reversed the coma?"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"You...like...threw up an Uno reverse card, and the universe was like nah bitch you're going in a coma but I'm gonna reverse it cause fuck you."</p>
<p>"..."</p>
<p>"I'm right and you know it."</p>
<p>"...fuck."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Why is you...wings?"</p>
<p>"Science."</p>
<p>"Can you fly?"</p>
<p>"I can disagree with physics for a while."</p>
<p>"Let's test it."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"And then I said 'turns out you're a sleddog' and he just said 'okay'."</p>
<p>"And his name was Gavin?"</p>
<p>"His name was Gavin."</p>
<p>"And he was a sleddog?"</p>
<p>"No, he was a gap year student going to Barcelona."</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Can't catch me!"</p>
<p>"I can!"</p>
<p>*general calamity*</p>
<p>"Sorry kids!"</p>
<p>"Stay in school!"</p>
<p>"Can we get Jonny to tell them a story?"</p>
<p>"Oh shit they weren't kids they were bin bags."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"And what's that one?"</p>
<p>"Daisy held a knife to my throat."</p>
<p>"And that one?"</p>
<p>"Melanie stabbed me?"</p>
<p>"Dude that's fucked."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Fuck these mingesplinters, lets go..."</p>
<p>*Angry shouts*</p>
<p>"Let's go...faster."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>'mingesplinters' is credited to Angel Maxwell from my brother's facetime call while I was writing this. Angel, if you're out there...wtf are you doing why read this shitstorm?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. communication? who’s she we’re depressed millennials</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ok so you know the semi lucid morning you have after being blackout drunk?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jon feels like death.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or at least what he assumes death feels like. He hasn't actually died yet, despite the best efforts of everyone he knows. He has done the whole coma thing, though, which is probably close enough, or...ugh. His head hurts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It doesn't stop hurting when he tries to move, mostly because there's someone laying on it. Martin. Smelling oddly of soot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's at that point that some fragments of last night decide to bounce around inside his head like demented ping pong balls and carve it up into strips of pain. Or, to better clarify, he's brutally hungover. Which is impressive, given his whole <strike>eldritch nightmare monster avatar oh-shit-am-I-human</strike>? thing he's currently got going.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In any case, any memories of last night are relatively terrible, fuzzy and borderline illegal, which is pretty much par-for-the-course with Jonny and his feral assortment of gays. He tries to Know what happened. The Beholding takes one quick look at his head, and decides to fuck right off, which is...fair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He has, however, still got the issue of Martin laying on his head. Nice as it is to have vaguely non-sinister touch, Martin is on top of him, and he is, to put it generously, a fucking twig.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thankfully, Jonny picks that moment to stagger over a stack of glass bottles in an act of complete clusterfuck, awakening everyone collapsed on the floor of what he dearly hopes is someone's apartment. Most of said people do lay immediately back down, but Martin has the grace to shuffle enough that Jon can wriggle out to properly laugh at his brother, so...a win.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It takes Jonny a long time to pick all the bits of glass out of himself, but it takes Jon an even longer one to register that his brother was actually dead on the floor when he first got up, and longer still to recall the snippet of last night where his brother had said he died. Admittedly, this realisation does not go down well in his already throbbing head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You died?"</p>
<p>"Oh yeah. Not fun. Don't recommend."</p>
<p>"So are you a ghost, or?"</p>
<p>"No, an avatar like you, fucking dipshit."</p>
<p>Jon spits out his reheated monster.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"Oh, right. Basically we were travelling and we all died horrible deaths and then this weird avatar of the End was like 'hey you wanna...not die?' and we were all like 'yeah' so then we played some really dope music and she had to bring us back to life."</p>
<p>"So you're an avatar of the End?"</p>
<p>"Oh, sorta. I mean, yeah, but we don't really take it very seriously. As long as we kill off all our characters we're cool."</p>
<p>"And you were gonna tell me you died...when, exactly?"</p>
<p>"You didn't pick up,” Jonny looks like he’s trying to think very hard, an unusual occurrence for him. “Hey, did you mention worms last night?"</p>
<p>"I mean...got eaten by some worms."</p>
<p>"And...did Melanie stab you?"</p>
<p>"Oh yeah."</p>
<p>"But you're friends? I mean, I stab my friends at any inconvenience, but you're probably less chill with it. When did she stab you?"</p>
<p>"Right after the coma."</p>
<p>"You were in a coma?"</p>
<p>"Yeah for six months"</p>
<p>"That's why you weren't returning my calls? I thought you were just pissed for me stealing your whiskey!"</p>
<p>"You stole my whiskey?"</p>
<p>"Not important. You told me off for not telling you I died, but I got better. Were you gonna tell me you were in a coma?"</p>
<p>"I'm pretty sure dying outranks a coma. Anyway, I got better too. And how did you know I was an avatar?"</p>
<p>"You got one of those avatar earring thingys we all got. Look."</p>
<p>He points to an ornate black skull dangling from one ear.</p>
<p>"Okay, I'm excused cause that's on brand for you."</p>
<p>"And you've got a fuckoff eye. No wonder you're roadmap of scars, you could spot that fucker from Cornwall."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jon chooses to ignore that in favour of decanting another can of monster into a mug to microwave. He's gonna need it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did I forget to write anything for the last few days? Yes? Is this chapter a shitshow? Mostly? Did I make myself laugh at 00:38 writing this? 100%</p>
<p>I just really love the idea of avatar earrings, my dudes </p>
<p>Oh also be glad Jon just drinks reheated monster.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. microwaved monster and underlying trauma? that’s how we rolling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which I attempt to answer the various comments about Jon’s drink and angst sneaks in because I’m like that.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the end, Jonny drops the subject pretty quickly soon as people start stirring, evidently not wanting to get into it. Instead, he starts moving around in what Jon now recognises as Ashes’ kitchen, rifling through the cupboards with enough volume to wake up various groaning occupants.</p><p> </p><p>Neither Marius or Raphaella seem to be present. There is, however, an alarming amount of blood and pieces of wing and clothing trailing into what he remembers as the bathroom. He decides not to think about it too hard.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Most people, soon as they’ve awakened, have gravitated towards the kitchen, and thankfully Brian has removed Jonny from pulling random items from the cupboard to allow Ashes to cook breakfast. The Mechs all look trepidatious at that, and he can remember why, but nobody seems in any particular hurry to take over, nor to threaten them, given the excessive amount of knife they’re currently holding. It seems largely useless in the actual process of making pancake batter, but he’s not going to challenge them.</p><p> </p><p>As they all scrounge up anything resembling a seat to drag into the kitchen, both Tims emerge from what he thinks might be the bedroom, twin smirks plastered across their faces.</p><p> </p><p>He really hopes the noises he vaguely remembers emerging from that room last night were imagined.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Ashes, where's the monster?"</p><p>"You're drinking it."</p><p>"No, that's a can I found on the worktop this morning. Have you got any more?"</p><p>They look over from where they're burning some pancakes.</p><p>"You're looking at it Jon."</p><p>"The good type, Ashes."</p><p>"This is the good type. You just tried original flavour at age fifteen and decided never to try any others."</p><p> </p><p>Melanie butts in. A brave choice, given how green she looks.</p><p>"Ok but we're glossing over the fact he drinks microwaved monster."</p><p>Daisy, having appeared from nowhere cradling her head, pulls a similar face.</p><p>"Yeah, that...that tripped me up too."</p><p> </p><p>The Toy Soldier, looking completely dead to the world and staring into the hangover-fuelled middle distance, shrugs.</p><p>"When we first met he drank microwaved knockoff brands. You know those twenty pence ones?"</p><p>"No, that's not..."</p><p>"It's true," Jonny attempts to lean in conspiratorly, to who is uncertain. "Our grandmother banned him from them, but he stockpiled them and drank so many he got sent to A&amp;E by his geography teacher for a suspected heart attack."</p><p> </p><p>Everyone sits in mute shock at this. Jon attempts to throttle Jonny, which breaks the silence.</p><p>"Heart attack?"</p><p>"Grandmother banned you?"</p><p>"I'm still stuck on you drinking microwaved energy drinks. How old were you at this point?"</p><p>"Ten."</p><p>"Jesus! Why?"</p><p> </p><p>On the one hand, he can lie at this point. Jonny, whilst a wanker most of the time, won't bring up Mr Spider. It's the easy option. On the other hand, he did say he'd open up a little. Plus, if he reveals a depressing truth, they'll stop ribbing him about the whole energy drinks thing. The best vibe killer is trauma.</p><p> </p><p>"I was terrified to sleep after the age of eight cause I had horrific nightmares, but I didn't like the taste of coffee and our grandmother's house was always freezing cold."</p><p> </p><p>As predicted, an awkward silence falls. Sasha starts giggling awkwardly. Everyone else seems to be trying to work out what the hell to say. He tries to break it a bit.</p><p>"Three cheers for childhood trauma?"</p><p>Jonny slams his hand on the table.</p><p>"Trauma circle time!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Jon can have a little joke about childhood trauma, as a treat. Also, you guys can decide, did the Tims fuck?</p><p>Edit: Sorry y’all, this is gonna be the last update for a while. As I’ve said before, I usually write stuff based on my headspace. At the moment, I'm in a really horrible one, and I don’t feel up to writing this. I may return to this once I’m in a better place. Thank you so much for reading this</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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